Love

tag (125 Posts)

The Disconnection between Black Men and Women in America

While leaving the library one day last week, an older Black man stopped me on the sidewalk to ask, “Why do Black women believe that Black men aren’t emotional?” To which I replied, “Black men are emotional, you just choose to show it in a different way.”
This ignited a conversation about him being a 49-year old, thermal engineer with a business in New York. He went on to talk about how it had been hard for him to find a “good” Black woman because all “they” wanted was his money. He continued as he pulled out his car keys stating, “I have a Range Rover, my own house, and my own business, what more can a woman need?”
It was in that moment that I realized just why he hadn’t found a good woman regardless of race. He was more concerned with the materialistic things that he accrued in life so

Breaking Up with Sleep

Since becoming a mother I had to break up with sleep. It has been horrible because I really love sleep. Sleep is one of those things that I have to have, need it on a every day basis type of thing. When my daughter was born I made sure that I was getting naps in regularly because I needed the rest as a transitioned to a new role as a mom. Now that I’ve learned to manage the new role and responsibilities a bit better I don’t need as much rest.
Now during nap time, I make better use of my time. Instead of napping, I’m reading or writing, sometimes washing dishes or preparing dinner. I get the things that I need to get done instead of complaining about not having enough time to do them. Being a parent is a 365 days/ 24 hours a day job and that will

Fancy Me Not

I don’t take great care of myself. I spend time caring for everyone else, but don’t spend nearly as much time caring for myself. I know that I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else, but that’s been hard to do. I am managing several roles in my life and it’s gotten hard to manage. As a result, my self-care has been at an all-time low. I was doing the bare minimum to keep up with it, but that has caught up with me. I started to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.
I was barely making it to yoga classes and there were weeks that my practice has been nonexistent. So last week I was determined to squeeze some self-care in by any means necessary. Midweek, I headed to the beach with my daughter and two women friends. It was my daughter’s first trip

Surviving Marriage

All the statistics show that I should be divorced by now. And it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I’m sure at some point every married person has thought about it or will think about it. If anyone says otherwise I would think they are lying. Marriage is hard work. It’s not like any other relationship I’ve ever been in. At 29 years old, entering into a marriage at 8 months pregnant was insane. On top of the emotional instability that comes along with pregnancy, it was a tumultuous time in our marriage, when it was supposed to be a time of bliss.
My husband and I were struggling with our new roles as mom and dad, when we had yet to solidify our roles as husband and wife. I also was not the nicest person during my pregnancy. It was a difficult transition and one that I wasn’t sure

Hard to Be Different

Last night, BET premiered the 10th Annual Black Girls Rock Awards show. During her acceptance of the Rock Star award, Rihanna encouraged girls to love themselves and accept who they are. Oh, if it was so easy!? Most people don’t even have insight into who they are in order to love themselves. In fact, many people reject parts of themselves out of fear of rejection, ridicule, and shame. Instead we turn a blind eye to the not-so likable parts of ourselves in order to be accepted for someone that we are not. In order to fully love ourselves, we must first recognize and acknowledge the good with the bad.
Unfortunately, we all were born into a world that sends contradictory messages about what it means to be you. We say that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but what really matters is on the outside. Whole groups of people are

Mind Your Own Business

Social media has created a platform for people to run amuck, proclaim their pettiness, display their ignorance, and showcase a lack of sensitivity and compassion. I wanted to break down the notion of “minding your own business,” especially with the increase of social media drama that has flooded the Internet. “Mind” is an esoteric concept of present and awareness of self. To “mind your own business” essentially means to be aware of self. To be aware of self means to focus on self yet we sometimes get away from this and focus on other people. Relationships are sustained through our ability to trust one another and maintain a sense of loyalty. Chaos and conflict in relationships stem from the lack of one’s capability to mind their own business.
As much as many of us would like to say that we don’t focus on other people’s business, the fact is that anytime

The Lion & the Lamb

I want to be like Rihanna. Okay not really, but I would like to have her attitude. She has this unapologetic, no cares given (read: well you know) attitude that I admire. I used to have this same attitude during my late teens, early twenties; however I did not yet grasp the ability to finesse such a powerful attitude. Let me explain. I approached life with the heart of a lion, willing to tear down and eat up anything that entered into my Kingdom that wasn’t to my liking. I was fearless, brave, and unkind.
Unfortunately this extreme approach towards the world resulted in reckless behavior and broken relationships. I previously wrote about how I lost friends and even family all due to this “My World, My Way” attitude. I was selfish, narcissistic, and careless. It’s one thing to be a lion, but another to recognize that once you step on

Change in Direction

Life is one big movie! It is filled with ups and downs, hills and bumps,
laughter and excitement, joy and sadness. It’s a thriller, suspense,
drama, romance, comedy type of movie. It’ is all the genres packed into
one package that unfolds as your life’s movie. This is your motion
picture. Everything that is happening to you is for your greater good.
All you have to do is sit back and watch from the backseat. We don’t get
to watch it while it’s happening, although that would be great. Instead
we get to reflect back on things after they’ve already occurred,
contemplate different choices, and wonder about if things were
differently. This is the joy and excitement of life. 
There will be times in life that we will be re-routed from the current path in order to take an alternate route. During those moments, it may not appear to be reasonable to steer off course, but there

Free Yourself

In a previous post, The Road to Victory, I wrote about the continuous war that we experience along life’s journey. I did not mention in this post is that this war is an internal battle that takes place within our minds. These battles of the mind are not physical experiences, though it may often seem that way. We are presented with choices in a such a way that allows for us to make our own decisions (free will). Some people continue to make the same choices, taking the easy way out, doing what they’ve always done, and expect to get different results. These people have yet to recognize the instant of their behavior. They have not freed themselves from the bondage of the mind.
The mind is a very complex factor that we do not yet fully understand as human beings. Our minds play tricks on us, working for and against

Love Yours

Money makes the world go round, well at least that is what people like to say. It is the thing that some people life, work, and die for. Many people believe that by having more money their lives will be better. They convince themselves into believing all the problems in their life will be solved if they had more money. While money may provide temporary solutions to current life struggles, money does not, will not, and cannot be a remedy to internal pain and suffering. That type of healing must come from within.
Money is not the solution to our problems, our relationship to money is the problem. We have developed an internalized belief that money solves everything. We have yet to realized that the more we focus on money, the further away we move from our true purpose and happiness. We place too much value on money and once we