enlightenment

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Mirror, Mirror

I realize that I make a whole lot of excuses for a whole bunch of things. The first time someone said this to me I became argumentative and defensive. I didn’t want to see myself as that person, when in fact, that’s who I am. I create excuses for my attitude; I justify my actions, and refuse to acknowledge this as an aspect of my personality. In moments like these, I refuse to see myself from any vantage point other than my own. This has been disastrous. I’ve created a one-dimensional view of my life, which has lead to stagnation and contentment.
There are an infinite amount of perspectives that exist in the world. Each individual has a unique perspective based on their reality and the things that they experience within that reality. For me to reject someone’s perspective is refusing to acknowledge the multitude of perceptions that exist within this universe. It

What If?

On my return flight to Newark from Atlanta, I had an epiphany; I live in a daily state of fear. Before boarding the flight, a family wanted to switch seats so that they could sit together. So I gave up my beloved window seat for an aisle seat. It made me extremely uncomfortable to not be sitting next to the window, but I didn’t notice it until we were landing. I like to look out the window to see while the plane is landing. I wasn’t going to be able to see during this flight and it didn’t help that the person sitting next to the window had the shade closed.
When the plane started to descend, I started to panic. What if the plane wasn’t able to lane, what if we had to continue circling around the airport, I imagined terrible possibilities of what could happen. Having my daughter with

Fancy Me Not

I don’t take great care of myself. I spend time caring for everyone else, but don’t spend nearly as much time caring for myself. I know that I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else, but that’s been hard to do. I am managing several roles in my life and it’s gotten hard to manage. As a result, my self-care has been at an all-time low. I was doing the bare minimum to keep up with it, but that has caught up with me. I started to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.
I was barely making it to yoga classes and there were weeks that my practice has been nonexistent. So last week I was determined to squeeze some self-care in by any means necessary. Midweek, I headed to the beach with my daughter and two women friends. It was my daughter’s first trip

Yoga Saved My Life

I know that’s a huge statement to make and I don’t mean it in a cliché, hippie sort of way. I mean literally and figuratively, yoga saved my life. I am a very anxious person. Although I might not present as someone who is always anxious, there’s always a consistent ball of anxiety sitting in my chest. My mind is constantly racing and sometimes I can’t keep up with myself. I talk fast, I move faster and so I’m always talking, moving, and thinking fast. I’m also easily distracted within all of that. So basically I’m a big mess in my head and I’m always all over the place. I needed to still my mind so that I could focus and be more present, not just for me, but for my husband, daughter, family, and friends.
So I started doing yoga. When I first started doing yoga, I was only focused

Surviving Marriage

All the statistics show that I should be divorced by now. And it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I’m sure at some point every married person has thought about it or will think about it. If anyone says otherwise I would think they are lying. Marriage is hard work. It’s not like any other relationship I’ve ever been in. At 29 years old, entering into a marriage at 8 months pregnant was insane. On top of the emotional instability that comes along with pregnancy, it was a tumultuous time in our marriage, when it was supposed to be a time of bliss.
My husband and I were struggling with our new roles as mom and dad, when we had yet to solidify our roles as husband and wife. I also was not the nicest person during my pregnancy. It was a difficult transition and one that I wasn’t sure

I’m Listening God

God boxed me into a corner to beat me up four times this past week. On my way to yoga class I was procrastinating, knowing that I needed to go but wasn’t moving to prepare to go. Once I realized that I was going to be late, I was really upset about it. Until I realized that if I was going to be late, it was my fault for waiting until the last minute to get ready. I failed to prepare properly and as a result, I wasn’t going to get the outcome that I wanted because of my own poor judgment. When this came to me, I thought, “Okay, God, I hear you!”
That is what happened the first time around with the blog. I was procrastinating, thinking that something miraculous and profound would just come to me. I was waiting for the perfect moment to write, but refusing to

Finding My Voice

A friend told me that I have a powerful voice. This blew me away. No one has ever said anything remotely positive about my voice. ‘Til this day, I feel extremely uncomfortable when I have to leave a voicemail, usually opting out. Growing up, I was constantly reminded of how annoying and whining my voice was. Although it was something that I loved doing, I stopped talking and singing.
I stopped because I didn’t believe in the power of my own voice. I allowed the opinions of others to cause me to sink inside of myself, losing my authentic voice in the process. I didn’t realize that I had stopped talking and singing. Not on a conscious level anyway. I wasn’t talking about the things that matter. Not about how I feel. How I feel hurt. How I feel scared. How I feel broken. How there are days, weeks, even months

Hard to Be Different

Last night, BET premiered the 10th Annual Black Girls Rock Awards show. During her acceptance of the Rock Star award, Rihanna encouraged girls to love themselves and accept who they are. Oh, if it was so easy!? Most people don’t even have insight into who they are in order to love themselves. In fact, many people reject parts of themselves out of fear of rejection, ridicule, and shame. Instead we turn a blind eye to the not-so likable parts of ourselves in order to be accepted for someone that we are not. In order to fully love ourselves, we must first recognize and acknowledge the good with the bad.
Unfortunately, we all were born into a world that sends contradictory messages about what it means to be you. We say that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but what really matters is on the outside. Whole groups of people are

Mind Your Own Business

Social media has created a platform for people to run amuck, proclaim their pettiness, display their ignorance, and showcase a lack of sensitivity and compassion. I wanted to break down the notion of “minding your own business,” especially with the increase of social media drama that has flooded the Internet. “Mind” is an esoteric concept of present and awareness of self. To “mind your own business” essentially means to be aware of self. To be aware of self means to focus on self yet we sometimes get away from this and focus on other people. Relationships are sustained through our ability to trust one another and maintain a sense of loyalty. Chaos and conflict in relationships stem from the lack of one’s capability to mind their own business.
As much as many of us would like to say that we don’t focus on other people’s business, the fact is that anytime

Baggage Check

Today I caught myself carrying around a huge amount of anxiety. Then the thought came to me, “why do I feel like this?” Had it been the unpleasant encounter with T-mobile customer service rep or rushing to make an appointment that I ultimately missed!? Whatever it was, I didn’t want to feel it anymore. It was taking up space in my chest and it was weighing me down. It was heavy. So I made a conscious decision to let it go. I took a deep breathe, accepted it, and continued along with my day. Right in that moment.
Had I not made the choice to accept what I was feeling in the moment, I’m sure my day would have been horrible, but instead I allowed the anxiety to move through my body as I continued to move through the day. This made me think about all the baggage that we carry