Lifestyle

categories (13 Posts)

Dear Daughter, I Don’t Have All the Answers

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

Parenthood is hard. It’s hard as heck. I feel like not enough people are talking about just how hard it is being a parent. Ma, how the heck did you manage to make this look so easy?  I honor any parent that has made the decision to be fully present in a child’s life. It is a humbling experience. There are times that I think I am a bad mother, although I know I’m not. There are days that I feel really great about being a mother, too. Those are the days that I slay this motherhood thing! Breakfast on time, playtime, lunch, and nap all happening on schedule. I call those days ‘A’ days. I love those days because I am fully engaged and present with my daughter.
Then there are the days that I’m not fully present. Days that I’m exhausted and just want to sleep in because I

Breaking Up with Sleep

Since becoming a mother I had to break up with sleep. It has been horrible because I really love sleep. Sleep is one of those things that I have to have, need it on a every day basis type of thing. When my daughter was born I made sure that I was getting naps in regularly because I needed the rest as a transitioned to a new role as a mom. Now that I’ve learned to manage the new role and responsibilities a bit better I don’t need as much rest.
Now during nap time, I make better use of my time. Instead of napping, I’m reading or writing, sometimes washing dishes or preparing dinner. I get the things that I need to get done instead of complaining about not having enough time to do them. Being a parent is a 365 days/ 24 hours a day job and that will

What If?

On my return flight to Newark from Atlanta, I had an epiphany; I live in a daily state of fear. Before boarding the flight, a family wanted to switch seats so that they could sit together. So I gave up my beloved window seat for an aisle seat. It made me extremely uncomfortable to not be sitting next to the window, but I didn’t notice it until we were landing. I like to look out the window to see while the plane is landing. I wasn’t going to be able to see during this flight and it didn’t help that the person sitting next to the window had the shade closed.
When the plane started to descend, I started to panic. What if the plane wasn’t able to lane, what if we had to continue circling around the airport, I imagined terrible possibilities of what could happen. Having my daughter with

4:45

Last week the Internet was in an uproar over Jay-Z’s latest album “4:44.” On this album, Jay-Z is bearing his soul as he reveals parts of himself that we haven’t seen from him, particularly as it relates to his marriage with Beyonce. One particular article struck a cord with me because the writer eloquently connected the lyrics from the 4:44 album to her experience in a past relationship. In this article the writer speaks a lot about the place her ex left her in and places a lot of blame on him for her heartbreak. It was really hard for me to read through this article. It made me think about my own irresponsible choices and regrets in my past relationships.
The difference is I take full responsibility for the choices that I’ve made when it came to dating. I believe we place men on a pedestal by dating them for their

Mommy & Me

Establishing a relationship with my mother as an adult has been a challenge. It was a major transition for us, especially after I entered into this new phase of life as a wife and mother. I understand how in my mother’s eyes, I’ll always be her baby, but there’s this huge part of me fighting for balance between being her baby and needing to be an adult. My mother and I are working on a chapter for a book about our relationship as mother and daughter and about a specific situation involving my mother, my daughter, and myself.
Initially I had reservation about completing the chapter. I didn’t want to share the ugly truths that exist in my relationship with my mother to be exposed. I was nervous about how it would make us look and what people would say. I came around to the idea of writing the chapter because I wanted to

Much Love

Last week my womanfriend and I were having a conversation about friendships and how our friendship has changed over the years. We’ve been friends since college and although there were periods of time that we didn’t speak as much, we always picked back up right where we left off. Each time engaging in elevating and stimulating conversation, that reminded us just why we are friends. We are always there for each other and we know that we can rely on one another regardless of where we are in life. We recognized, though, that all friendships aren’t created equal.
There are some friendships that aren’t built to withstand the busy spells, mood swings, and distant phases that come along as a result of adulting in life. Sometimes distance is created in friendships in order to elevate the progression of both individuals. I know I wasn’t always able to hold space for friends when

Planning Time

I read an article last week about Elon Musk, CEO of Telsa, managing his time in 5-minute time intervals. Can you imagine how busy your life must be to plan around 5-minute intervals!? According to the article, Musk even eats his lunch in 5 minutes or less. He believes planning his day into 5 minute slots increases his productivity and allows for an optimized agenda. Knowing that I needed to change the way I manage my time, I thought I should attempt to make a schedule planning my time into intervals too.
I thought if I was going to change my procrastinating ways that I needed to take action about making better use of my time. So I started planning my days into hour-by-hour time slots, including time for playtime with my daughter, yoga classes, morning meditation, and rest. I scheduled 3 hours per day for writing and planned for an earlier bedtime and

Finding My Voice

A friend told me that I have a powerful voice. This blew me away. No one has ever said anything remotely positive about my voice. ‘Til this day, I feel extremely uncomfortable when I have to leave a voicemail, usually opting out. Growing up, I was constantly reminded of how annoying and whining my voice was. Although it was something that I loved doing, I stopped talking and singing.
I stopped because I didn’t believe in the power of my own voice. I allowed the opinions of others to cause me to sink inside of myself, losing my authentic voice in the process. I didn’t realize that I had stopped talking and singing. Not on a conscious level anyway. I wasn’t talking about the things that matter. Not about how I feel. How I feel hurt. How I feel scared. How I feel broken. How there are days, weeks, even months

Dear 20s

Today I celebrate my soul’s 30th rotation around the sun! I feel really good this thirtieth time around. Though there’s much I have yet to experience, I feel confident in knowing that I am right where I need to be. I am still learning, growing, and evolving into my best self and that has me excited for life. They say your 30s are spent unlearning the things that you learned in your twenties. I’ve already begun the process of unlearning things that no longer serve the evolution of my soul. The unlearning process is not an easy feat and comes with it’s own growing pains, but I now have the understanding that with pain comes growth.
Over the weekend, I listened to an episode of a podcast called Gettin’ Grown on iTunes. The episode entitled, “The Ghosts of Our 20’s Past,” was not only timely, but spoke to my entire soul.

Social Privacy

Over the weekend my husband and I celebrated our daughter’s 1st birthday. It was also the first time I shared that I had a daughter on social media. When we found out that I was pregnant, we knew that we didn’t want to announce it on social media. At the time, we were already engaged and had not made a big announcement on social media. Only our closest friends and family knew of our engagement so of course our pregnancy wouldn’t be any different. I asked my mother how she announced her pregnancy to people when she was expecting with me.
I’m a very private person and didn’t want our good news to be shared with 1500+ people that I really didn’t know and that didn’t really know me. It was a personal, intimate, and very special moment in my life and I wanted to share the news with those that