Sharon Elise

author (63 Posts)

Dear Daughter, I Don’t Have All the Answers

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

Parenthood is hard. It’s hard as heck. I feel like not enough people are talking about just how hard it is being a parent. Ma, how the heck did you manage to make this look so easy?  I honor any parent that has made the decision to be fully present in a child’s life. It is a humbling experience. There are times that I think I am a bad mother, although I know I’m not. There are days that I feel really great about being a mother, too. Those are the days that I slay this motherhood thing! Breakfast on time, playtime, lunch, and nap all happening on schedule. I call those days ‘A’ days. I love those days because I am fully engaged and present with my daughter.
Then there are the days that I’m not fully present. Days that I’m exhausted and just want to sleep in because I

The Disconnection between Black Men and Women in America

While leaving the library one day last week, an older Black man stopped me on the sidewalk to ask, “Why do Black women believe that Black men aren’t emotional?” To which I replied, “Black men are emotional, you just choose to show it in a different way.”
This ignited a conversation about him being a 49-year old, thermal engineer with a business in New York. He went on to talk about how it had been hard for him to find a “good” Black woman because all “they” wanted was his money. He continued as he pulled out his car keys stating, “I have a Range Rover, my own house, and my own business, what more can a woman need?”
It was in that moment that I realized just why he hadn’t found a good woman regardless of race. He was more concerned with the materialistic things that he accrued in life so

Breaking Up with Sleep

Since becoming a mother I had to break up with sleep. It has been horrible because I really love sleep. Sleep is one of those things that I have to have, need it on a every day basis type of thing. When my daughter was born I made sure that I was getting naps in regularly because I needed the rest as a transitioned to a new role as a mom. Now that I’ve learned to manage the new role and responsibilities a bit better I don’t need as much rest.
Now during nap time, I make better use of my time. Instead of napping, I’m reading or writing, sometimes washing dishes or preparing dinner. I get the things that I need to get done instead of complaining about not having enough time to do them. Being a parent is a 365 days/ 24 hours a day job and that will

Mirror, Mirror

I realize that I make a whole lot of excuses for a whole bunch of things. The first time someone said this to me I became argumentative and defensive. I didn’t want to see myself as that person, when in fact, that’s who I am. I create excuses for my attitude; I justify my actions, and refuse to acknowledge this as an aspect of my personality. In moments like these, I refuse to see myself from any vantage point other than my own. This has been disastrous. I’ve created a one-dimensional view of my life, which has lead to stagnation and contentment.
There are an infinite amount of perspectives that exist in the world. Each individual has a unique perspective based on their reality and the things that they experience within that reality. For me to reject someone’s perspective is refusing to acknowledge the multitude of perceptions that exist within this universe. It

What If?

On my return flight to Newark from Atlanta, I had an epiphany; I live in a daily state of fear. Before boarding the flight, a family wanted to switch seats so that they could sit together. So I gave up my beloved window seat for an aisle seat. It made me extremely uncomfortable to not be sitting next to the window, but I didn’t notice it until we were landing. I like to look out the window to see while the plane is landing. I wasn’t going to be able to see during this flight and it didn’t help that the person sitting next to the window had the shade closed.
When the plane started to descend, I started to panic. What if the plane wasn’t able to lane, what if we had to continue circling around the airport, I imagined terrible possibilities of what could happen. Having my daughter with

Fancy Me Not

I don’t take great care of myself. I spend time caring for everyone else, but don’t spend nearly as much time caring for myself. I know that I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else, but that’s been hard to do. I am managing several roles in my life and it’s gotten hard to manage. As a result, my self-care has been at an all-time low. I was doing the bare minimum to keep up with it, but that has caught up with me. I started to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.
I was barely making it to yoga classes and there were weeks that my practice has been nonexistent. So last week I was determined to squeeze some self-care in by any means necessary. Midweek, I headed to the beach with my daughter and two women friends. It was my daughter’s first trip

4:45

Last week the Internet was in an uproar over Jay-Z’s latest album “4:44.” On this album, Jay-Z is bearing his soul as he reveals parts of himself that we haven’t seen from him, particularly as it relates to his marriage with Beyonce. One particular article struck a cord with me because the writer eloquently connected the lyrics from the 4:44 album to her experience in a past relationship. In this article the writer speaks a lot about the place her ex left her in and places a lot of blame on him for her heartbreak. It was really hard for me to read through this article. It made me think about my own irresponsible choices and regrets in my past relationships.
The difference is I take full responsibility for the choices that I’ve made when it came to dating. I believe we place men on a pedestal by dating them for their

Uber Chronicles

I spent all of last week in Atlanta visiting my family and close friends. While I was there I had the pleasure of meeting a lovely woman named Charlene. She was my Uber driver to the airport to pick up a rental car. Charlene blessed my life during our ride Friday morning by being vulnerable and sharing her life story with me. She talked about her past and all it’s ugliness, losing friends and even family, but she also shared her glory. She’s married to a wonderful man that she said God blessed her with, is living in her dream house, and only drives for Uber to pay off credit cards she recently used to splurge for her husband’s birthday. She makes her own schedule, which allows her flexibility to do what she wants while still being able to spend time with her daughter. She’s enjoying life.
I said, “It sounds to me

Mommy & Me

Establishing a relationship with my mother as an adult has been a challenge. It was a major transition for us, especially after I entered into this new phase of life as a wife and mother. I understand how in my mother’s eyes, I’ll always be her baby, but there’s this huge part of me fighting for balance between being her baby and needing to be an adult. My mother and I are working on a chapter for a book about our relationship as mother and daughter and about a specific situation involving my mother, my daughter, and myself.
Initially I had reservation about completing the chapter. I didn’t want to share the ugly truths that exist in my relationship with my mother to be exposed. I was nervous about how it would make us look and what people would say. I came around to the idea of writing the chapter because I wanted to

Yoga Saved My Life

I know that’s a huge statement to make and I don’t mean it in a cliché, hippie sort of way. I mean literally and figuratively, yoga saved my life. I am a very anxious person. Although I might not present as someone who is always anxious, there’s always a consistent ball of anxiety sitting in my chest. My mind is constantly racing and sometimes I can’t keep up with myself. I talk fast, I move faster and so I’m always talking, moving, and thinking fast. I’m also easily distracted within all of that. So basically I’m a big mess in my head and I’m always all over the place. I needed to still my mind so that I could focus and be more present, not just for me, but for my husband, daughter, family, and friends.
So I started doing yoga. When I first started doing yoga, I was only focused