Establishing a relationship with my mother as an adult has been a challenge. It was a major transition for us, especially after I entered into this new phase of life as a wife and mother. I understand how in my mother’s eyes, I’ll always be her baby, but there’s this huge part of me fighting for balance between being her baby and needing to be an adult. My mother and I are working on a chapter for a book about our relationship as mother and daughter and about a specific situation involving my mother, my daughter, and myself.
Initially I had reservation about completing the chapter. I didn’t want to share the ugly truths that exist in my relationship with my mother to be exposed. I was nervous about how it would make us look and what people would say. I came around to the idea of writing the chapter because I wanted to share my perspective. I wanted my mother to be able to read how I felt without being able to respond.
We recently received the first draft of our chapter, which we were instructed to complete individually. So up until this point, neither of us was privy to what the other had wrote. When I started to read through the draft, I felt a tinge or regret. I was nervous about how my mother would receive what I had written. As I read through my version of the story, I could feel the anxiety building in my chest. As I continued to read, making my way down the pages to my mother’s story, I was able to exhale. Although her words were different, our perspectives were the same. We felt the same way about each other, but neither of us was able to comprehend what the other was saying. Our words were lost in translation.
Writing this chapter gave me great insight into our relationship dynamic as mother and adult child. I’m learning to listen to understand instead of listening to respond, but also learning to exist outside the nest, flapping my wings to fly, knowing that I can always return home for a little R&R when I need it. This has been a challenge to get to, but I love the space my mother and I have entered in our adult-child parental relationship. Although I have not always shown it, I am beyond appreciative and grateful for my mother, for her sacrifices, for her strength, and most importantly for her love. I love you Ma!